Dubious Learning Accomplishments for 2013.

The New Year is often a time to contemplate the learning one can take away from  the myriad of experiences we all have in the previous year. My friend Rochelle went so far as to make a “Top 13” (sounds lucky to me) list of hers, and has graciously agreed to let me share it. As you can see in the photo, she runs marathons for fun. Yes, she is one of those people. You’ve been warned.

roch1textRochelle’s Top 13:

1. Putting fish in a blender only burns up the motor and makes my kitchen stink.

2. Mane ‘n Tail Horse Shampoo and Conditioner works pretty well for humans and is very cheap, and I haven’t started to whinny yet!

3. If you try to eat oatmeal in the shower, sometimes the shampoo or the conditioner (not really sure which) drips into the oatmeal, which gives you a bubbly stomach for the rest of the day. (Yes, I actually ate it.)

4. Driving permits for 15 year olds should always come with an emergency brake for the passenger side. ALWAYS!

5. Don’t EVER think that you can oversee your teenager’s social networking without them knowing about it. They are smarter and more savvy than you are when it comes to the computer. Hands down.

6. Worst pre-race meal ever: Popcorn and red wine. Take it from me (and please don’t tell my coach).

7. Don’t get arrogant and assume you have perfected the air-hanky technique. You will end up with soiled clothes. (I promise to keep practicing before I run with my teammates again.)

8. If you are going to throw your drink cup to the side during a race, be sure you have a REALLY clear shot. Being tired and trying to run fast does not improve your aim. If you don’t, you’ll end up apologizing profusely to the guy you hit, which wastes a lot of energy.

9. Do NOT pack chocolate trail mix in your shirt pocket for a race. You cannot chew when you are trying to run fast and you end up with a lumpy half-chewed mess in your mouth and chocolate lipstick all over your face.

10. If you run a lot, your feet expand, seemingly exponentially.  The bigger they get, the more they are talked about at the dinner table.  And eventually, your family finds a nickname for them–Monkey Paddles.

11. A dog’s neurotic behaviors only get worse the older they get (probably true for humans as well).

12. It is nearly impossible for me to carry my sleeping 12-year child up the stairs to bed. Why is dead weight heavier than regular weight? (Something to ponder in 2014.)

13. Newer Christmas lights don’t get hot enough to burn down your house, even if you  accidentally leave them on for 10 hours and your tree is mostly dead!

Happy New Year—may your monkey paddles carry you on wonderful adventures, and your  learning continue for a lifetime.

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